Marcel Bernet

Be As You Are: The Coaching Paradox

People come to see me as a coach because they want to get somewhere. Away from an uncomfortable situation, or somewhere closer towards an idea of happiness. Where do I want to take them in this interaction? 

To stay here. That is my invitation.

In his book «A New Earth», Eckhart Tolle describes a woman who comes to see him after a long phase of sleepless nights. She feels worn out and at the end of her tether. He lets her speak for a long time, listens carefully, without judgement or intervention. Afterwards, the woman sleeps for the first time in months, even though he did not «do» anything.

A part of us is focused only on form. On what we achieve, on what others do for us, on how big this is, how much that costs. And that’s good. We are, however, so focussed on this form that we miss the space in-between. That is the point.

Same with me. I want to be a good coach. When I get fixed on a goal and identify myself with my role, I make myself a prisoner of this form. This is «easier» for my ego. It can rely on forms that way. Graspable tools, like methods, concepts and solutions.

Tolle promotes the step from the form into the space of this present moment: «The joy of being, the only true happiness, cannot come to you through any form, nor through possessions, performance, people or events.» We all have experienced this already. So we know how difficult it is.

But wait: when we make it «difficult», we fall back into the trap of achievement. The ego follows the motto: «If only I work hard on myself, I will achieve being in this present moment.» Or as Tolle puts it, «the ego does not know anything about being, but it believes that you will one day be released through your doing.»

We are not our ego. The ego simply belongs to us. Acknowledgement and acceptance open the gate to the formless realm of consciousness.

The person within me who wants to be a good coach surrenders to being observed. I observe him, welcoming him and his ideas. Then I open myself up for a true encounter in the Now, with my vis-à-vis. I invite resources which go beyond our form. They are available to us, anytime, anywhere, accessible by the bridge of consciousness.

This is therefore the invitation of my coaching. To allow the being-as-it-is. Change stems and grows from that, and becomes visible in the present Now.